PRISON REFORM, another Modest Proposal - Let's Prehend
Let's Prehend
A Manual of Human Ecology and Culture Design

PRISON REFORM, another Modest Proposal

The United States has a quarter of global humanity's prisoners, about one percent of the American population, and about half are incarcerated for drug related offenses. This huge cost is a burden to the taxpayers, though the forty percent of our budget that is borrowed is easily increased to cover the expanding prisons system. As with so many American enterprises, outsourcing offers considerable savings.

The Chinese prison system, even though smaller than ours so far, is cost effective. Perhaps they could easily accommodate prisoners. Negotiations are ongoing, but many painful issues require attention. The Chinese would be willing to pay for these prisoners, since they might well contribute to the Chinese economy, rather than being a drain on ours.

Negotiations regarding American values such as freedom of speech and equality are on going. The Chinese find American speech amusing and entertaining and would certainly allow total freedom of expression.

Some prisoners derive from the permanent underclass, but most are simply guilty of being caught. If the laws were strictly enforced, half the population would be in prison. How many citizens are guilty of using illicit drugs three times, yet have not been apprehended?

But the issue of equality is a sticking point. The Americans demand equal price for each and every prisoner, without discrimination related to race, religion, color, ethnicity or sexual orientation. Of course, once the prisoners enter their free marketplace, prices will vary according to useful value. Some prisoners could be sold for simple farm work such as picking cotton. Unfortunately Chinese farming is so intricate and highly developed in recent millennia that even the simplest tasks would require careful supervision. American farm workers, except the few Mexicans, are almost useless and would command the lowest prices. House servants are slightly more valuable, though those of English ethnicity are of little use in food preparation. As for factory work, the close supervision demanded lowers their value.

Since most prisoners attended grade school, they tend to be passive and lacking in initiative and responsibility. Many may be somewhat disobedient and resentful, but can be quickly adjusted to the demands of their new culture. Those with more education are ill prepared for any productive activity, having been inculcated with middle class destain for physical work.

Women are in great demand since China has about ten percent shortage of females, and that number is increasing. Over half the women incarcerated for drug and prostitution tend to be obedient and compliant and would command a higher price.

As this program develops, we anticipate a growing fad of Chinese firms and families taking responsibility for a prisoner or two to decorate the household or office. Not only are these non-Asians unusual in appearance but are interesting in their behavior and habits. Some easily compete with animals and can be kept as pets in the home and adornments in the office.

We recommend a new federal office of prison outsorceing, perhaps headed by John Huntsman, who is already fluent in Chinese and well able to represent American values.

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